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A Big Ole Change

See her? Up there? Yeah.. the one on the left...My most beautiful and much loved Goddaughter.. has up and moved.. to Florida! Yeah I know.. something about wanting to be with the man she loves... GAH!! I was blessed enough to have her over for a slumber (or lack of it) party last night.. Fitting.. as she spent her first night after moving back up here with me.. before she went to the dorm for college.. Now she spent her last night with me before she went to start her new life and have many new adventures.

I am not opposed to tellin ya'll.. I shed big ole crocodile tears this morning at 4 am when she pulled out of the driveway. (Thank you to my darlin girlfriend for making sure I was awake to see her off!!) All I could hear in my head was that song.. "There goes my life..." I know I didn't give birth to her.. But I have never been as close to a baby.. child.. young lady and young adult as I have been with her. I know I have had an impact on her life.. Little reasons I know that.. like.. Yes Pam.. I change my oil every other time I get my hair cut... which.. apparently is about every 3 to 4 thousand miles.. It's her logic ya'll.. roll with it!

There is nothing more satisfying in the world to see such a beautiful baby grow up an be the self assured, intelligent beautiful young woman she has become.. She is off to start a whole new life with her betrothed.. a newly graduated Marine.. BOOYAHH!! In my head I know she will do just fine.. They have plans.. they are sticking to them.. In my heart.. I can still see that 5 year old.. wanting to play.. to swim in the back yard.. I see the first grader.. her whole persona changing from baby.. to kid.. walking onto the school property her first day of school.. The teenager.. dance team .. graduation.. college... all that... mercy good golly..

Randi.. I will miss those "are you hungry?" phone calls.. and those movie reviews cause you know I will probably never see them.. except when you give me the "movie assignments."

I love you more than life lil girl... All it ever takes is one phone call.. and you have the cavalry at your door.. I am glad you know that..

I love you.. be safe..

My Brother Has Aged...

Not me mind you.. but brother dear... We were talking tonight about his upcoming housing adventure... Ya know.. since I have a tiny little bit of experience now in that area... We talked about bills paid versus.. not bills paid.. location.. etc... Mind you.. this is the older rock and roll till i die (or my eardrums split) brother...

Him: "Well I am thinking about a seniors complex"
Me: "OMG you're old!!"
Him: "Well ya know.. it is quieter."

I fell the hell right out...
That was the best laugh I have had in years...

Just For You Risley...

I heard on the radio today.. that they do tree counts all across the United States.. Guess what state has the most TREES??




Texas... WHO KNEW???

I Am Still Here...

I have been too quiet on my blog. That point has been made to me... I don't do well with change. Not the nickle and dime stuff, but, you know, LIFE STUFF. My house is all mine again. Blondie moved out.. with.. ohhhhh about 3 hours notice. Ok.. so she took her clothes and dog... everything else is still here. Apparently I am only "family" when it is convenient.

I did think this was going to affect my relationship with not only my Goddaughter, but with the pseudo grandkids as well. I am fortunate and happy to report, it has not. I don't think anything can affect the relationship with my precious goddaughter. She knows beyond any shadow of a doubt that I will always be in her corner, I will always back her and I am always on her side. besides.. I know a really BIG secret she has!!!

I got to spend the day last week with the Lil Princess and her brother and parents. We went to eat pizza.. we played games.. we went bowling.. and Lil Princess pouted BIG TIME cause she didn't get to stay and play with me and Buckeye. I can even begin to describe how my heart filled at that moment!! sigh...

I had a long 2 week break from the gym.. I guess I thought 12 pounds down and I was good... Ehh.. not so much.lol.. I am getting back in the swing of things.. I just feel better when I go, that's really the bottom line. There was I guess a lot of crap in my head and I retreated into myself. Yeah.. doing exactly what I tell my clients is dangerous and bad for them to do..

I am training for a new part time job.. teaching some D*W*I classes. the extra money sure will come in handy right now. Nuff said huh?

What else? Oh.. Ya'll know I just think Obama is wonderful.. but dayummm... The new taxes on cigarettes? I am thinking it will be a double edged sword.. I know I just ot priced out of the smoking thing. yes.. good for me.. I have 2 packs left before I go back on the Chan*tix.. A carton has gone up.. or will have gone up by April 1.. about 20%... if not a little more.. Bammy's budget got blown on that.. Its either smokes or Buckeye's lil bones..lol.. Who wins on that one? But of course the wonderful puppy love...

Ok.. I am all out of words for right now... I will leave you with this.. I am having an affair with facebook.. chuckling... So many little games to play.. so many little back and forths... I just lubs it.. Although.. I am now addicted to Mafia Wars.. and I NEED PEOPLE IN MY MAFIA!! hahahaha...

Later ya'll...

Reality....

Let's see.. in the last 2 weeks.. I have known 4 people who died... Blondie is moving out.. and umm.. let's see... oh I guess that's enough.. I will leave the really bad stuff for another time...

Reality is a bitch is it not?

Things I Have Learned...

I have recently learned something about being a middle aged lesbian with no kids... That is, I have come to realize, my only regret in life. Sure you have your blood family, even if you are not close to all of them. I am close to my parents now.. my brothers.. ehh.. not so much. I have a step sister that I see on holidays and such...

What I think people like me tend to do.. is fall into extended families. your friends families become yours and to an extent.. you become part of theirs. I had a death in my extended family this week. It was Blondie's grandkids grandpa... A very good man.. I respected him a great deal for his character.. his integrity.. and the most awesome love he showed for his grandkids.. They were all the light of his life.

What I found out though.. is I don't fit anywhere in this process.. My heart absolutely broke tonight when I saw the grandkids at his memorial.. a 5 and 9 year old.. their little bodies heaving as tears streamed down their faces.. and I could do nothing at all. I am a "fixer" and this one thing.. I could not fix.

I am not part of that family.. that was shown to me today.. It was shown to me very clearly.. I don't think anything that happened was meant in an exclusionary practice on purpose.. it just is what it is...Remember Sienfeld? I am Kramer... no one knows exactly why.. but I am always there...

I don't know if people think I don't hurt from this.. I do.. Do they think I am just supposed to accept it and move on? Maybe like something is missing, but since I am not "blood" it really shouldn't matter to me? that's just fucked up!

The funeral is tomorrow.. and yes.. I will attend.. and yes.. I will be shown that this is not MY family.. but I will be there to support them.. because in a weird way.. they are part of mine..

Maybe Bammy has been thinking too much today...

Rest in Peace Dick.. You were an awesome man.. Thank you.