Monday, April 28, 2008

Bammy has really had to think today...

First.. i would like to share an article about the inspiration to literally hundreds of counselors not only in the north Texas area, but many who have traveled out of the state and are making a mark in treatment centers across America. This is an article our class got together and asked a reporter from the Star - Telegram to write. it is about the wonderful lady who designed the Mental Health program in Tarrant County from which I will graduate very shortly.

The actual degree will be an Associates of Applied Science in Mental Health and Clinical Counseling with a Specialization in Chemical Dependency. Here is a link to the article.. (Thanks be to Sharon for teaching me how to do this)

So..Truly this woman has been an inspiration to me. She has taught me not only about Counseling, addiction, techniques and such but she has also taught me the number one thing.. How to take care of ME... You have to talk to people. Especially when clients don't do the simplest things and that frustrates the hell out of you. Or when your boss acts like a 3rd grader and THAT frustrates the hell out of you.. For whatever reasons you get frustrated, angry, depressed or whatever... there is always something you can do.

She also taught us that in the small classes we have and the fact that we have mostly the same people in our classes for 2 to 3 years.. we become close. We have our own support system and it works. It works when you use it anyway.. Sadly, this past weekend.. one of our own took her own life. i don't know why, i don't know how and not sure yet of when. The details I am sure will be provided in class tomorrow by our professor. I don't know that we need to know details.. i do know.. we need to keep watch on our "family" that we have become.

I know what it is like to feel that unbearable.. oh my god.. I just want the pain to stop.. feeling. I always covered mine with using drugs. For years.. and years.. that was how I dealt with pain. I have learned new ways to cope now for which I am very grateful. I have learned that "This Too Shall Pass" works with bad things as well as good things. Nothing is forever.. except death.

I am angry at my friend.. I am sad for my friend.. and I am sad for her family.. and those of us who cared about her. We are left with too many questions and not enough answers.. What was it that was SO unbearable.. What was it that weighed her down so much.. it had to have felt like an anchor around her feet and all she could see was the end of the dock and the deep blue water surrounding, engulfing her.. erasing the pain as the last gasps of life are snuffed out.. and finally.. the peace she had so longed for finally came to her..

I cried today.. I yelled today and I cussed today..for her.. for her family.. for me.. and her other "family." We have lost a light in the house.. but.. will always remember the smile that gave the light..

Peace be with you now my friend....we will miss you and love you always...


SassyFemme said...

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.

Rainwolf said...

I'm so sorry Bammy. Take care of yourself.