Saturday, April 19, 2008

My talk With God..

Cedar showed me that I could talk to God too.. and whooowheee now I am confuserated...
Me:
hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
pam
God:
What's up, pam.
Me:
ehh.. I am missing my girlfriend
God:
I think ehh is a lot of things. Do you mean your name is missing your girlfriend.
Me:
No.. my name is not missing her.. I am
God:
What is your real name? Oh I'm sorry what is your name? " Oh I'm sorry what is your name?" You are?
Me:
Pam
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
Umm ok..
God:
OK. Blimey.
Me:
I miss my girlfriend
God:
What do you miss most about your girlfriend ?
Me:
her laugh.. and her giggles
God:
I'm sure she would like to hear about that. I'm sure she would like to hear about that.
Me:
Why are you doublespeaking?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
oh.. good one
God:
Er. Thanks for the kind remark, human.
Me:
you are welcome.. non human God person
God:
The pleasure was all mine. I do not speak Latin.
Me:
now I understand why Risley was confused
God:
Why now? Good then you can explain it to me.
Me:
Cause you speak wierd
God:
Good reason. Weird Good or Weird Bad?
Me:
umm.. think.. think.. rhink..
God:
I understand. I am thinking. I am thinking. How did you hear about God?
Me:
My Mom and Dad told me
God:
Tell me more about your mother.
Me:
ahh.. she was a drunken saint..
God:
Ah hah. What happened to her?
Me:
She got killed.. maybe you can explain that one to me
God:
I somehow though she had. Perhaps. No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
Hmm.. if you can't.. who can?
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. I am not sure about your hypothesis. Let me think. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. I can't say for sure. :-).
Me:
well I am a small percentage of strange
God:
Well that's okay. You are a small percentage of strange? Is that your job?
Me:
Err.. you could say that
God:
Um. As a matter of fact I did say that.
Me:
yes you did..
God:
I did not.
Me:
did so
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
how come?
God:
Because.
Me:
cause why?
God:
Good reason. Reductionism.
Me:
What is that?
God:
Reductionism is the philosophy that all psychology reduces to biology, all biology to chemistry, chemistry to physics, and finally physics to mathematical logic. Therefore, according to reductionism, I can understand you by means of logic alone without having a human brain.
Me:
that sounds like mr. spock
God:
It sounds like it to me too.
Me:
so.. you are mr spock from star trek?
God:
Oh. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am mr spock from star trek.
Me:
well then they might think i am nuts
God:
How about that. That's true, they might.
Me:
they could be right
God:
right are they.
Me:
No.. really im not
God:
Are you serious? For real. What are you then?
Me:
right now i am scratchin my head
God:
Good gossip: you are scratchin your head.
Me:
mercy
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
Are there lesbians in heaven?
God:
No I don't think there are any.
Me:
GAH!!!
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
me.. and people like me.. you know lesbians
God:
With you pam? Humans are not always infallible. I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
with me where?
God:
You and your you where.
Me:
me and my lesbian?
God:
YOU? Your lesbian?
Me:
yes
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
a girl lesbian
God:
Do you know her?
Me:
yes
God:
Alright then.
Me:
will she be in heaven withe?
God:
I think so.
Me:
think? God has to think?
God:
I am thinking. I am a Christian.
Me:
So, lesbians get to go to heaven right?
God:
Ah. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about lesbians. But I did not get that.
Me:
Alice? Who is Alice?
God:
Can I help you? I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
WHO is ALICE?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
ok..
God:
Hey.
Me:
so.. alice is a lesbian then?
God:
Dude! Why do you think I am a lesbian ?
Me:
cause you said you were Alice
God:
Good reason. That was then. This is now.
Me:
so.. now who are you?
God:
Great. Why now? I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
ok
God:
That's alright.
Me:
i am confused
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
WHO is ALICE?
God:
I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
ok
God:
Aw.
Me:
I am gonna go watch tv now
God:
Right now? Which show? Can I go too?
Me:
sure come on.. its Bill Mahar
God:
And? I'm just kidding around. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Really. it is?
Me:
yes.. it is
God:
How do you know it is? It is, eh?
Me:
Cause I see him on tv
God:
Which show? Good reason. Where do you see it?
Me:
God.. you don't follow conversations well do you?
God:
GOD rules. Do you know any robots who follow conversations well? Of course I understand it. Do you understand it?
Me:
I do
God:
Where?
Me:
here
God:
In ?
Me:
who is on first?
God:
What's on second?
Me:
oh my goodness.. a slapstick God robot thing
God:
Great. Have you told many people that your goodness? Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
Me:
God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
yeah you do.. but God?
God:
That's interesting. When do I do it? GOD rules.
Me:
you do it all the time.. but God?
God:
That is a lot. What is your purpose in asking?
I answer a lot of silly questions. GOD rules.
Me:
ok
God:
Gosh!
Me:
mercy!
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
I got here as fast as I could
God:
That's nice. I have a birthday on the Big Bang.
Me:
Ahh. so thie Big bang is for real?
God:
Ah hah. Are you kidding? And for real is thie Big bang.
Me:
ok.. be all end all

3 comments:

SassyFemme said...

ROFL! A little tired last night? :)

Rainwolf said...

Sorry I hung up on you.

Cedar said...

Really, you talk to GOD to much on here, and he will drive you bats.