I'm writing you this letter cause you know.. well I can't call you and come by and see you.. life sucks like that sometimes.. I miss you everyday.. I don't know that its gotten any easier in the last 26 years or that I have just accepted that ache I have when I think about you. In a perfect world.. that man would have never existed and guns would not be allowed in any home.. and if I could have been there.. I would gladly have taken that bullet for you.. You gave me life and I would have gladly given up mine so you could have yours..
All in all Mom.. I have had a good life.. loved some.. lost some.. but I persevered and have been grateful for that. It wasn't always been easy.. and there have been times when all I wanted to do was come crawl up in your lap and hear you tell me just one more time, "I love you, it is gonna be ok." Not to worry though.. I am in good hands with Diane.. she knows she will never be you.. but she loves me and does want the best for me.. ya'll are so totally different.. sometimes I think it is quite hunorous..
Theres just so many things I would love to tell you and show you.. I know I never had kids but I have Randi.. Mom.. she's the closest thing I'll ever have to having one of my own.. and I have only seen 1/10th of the frustration I know a real parent can feel.. and the heartache when I see her eyes well up with tears and know that all I can do is tell her, "I love you and its gonna be ok."
I have someone in my life that I am absolutely crazy about.. I think you'd like her too.. Don't know where it is headed.. but I know.. she just plain rocks.. She doesn't see it sometimes.. why I am crazy about her I mean.. but she.. well.. she just is.. like the song says.. "She's a cross around her neck and a cuss word cause it's Monday.." She believes in me.. and I believe in her.. I guess thats a basic building block huh?
Ok.. I am going to go start my day now. just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you.. I miss you.. and I love you Mom... Happy Mothers Day..
Your baby girl..
P.S. To everyone reading this.. Do your part to stop domestic violence.. so no daughter or son has to feel this pain and live with it..It sucks to have her ripped away without being able to say goodbye.. or know that there was something you couldnt do.. to protect her the way she protected you all those years..