What A Day... and I didn't intend for it to be a long post either...

Ya know the old sayin.. "Takes one to know one?" Well.. i understand that in some ways.. yet.. in others.. I dont get it at all.. I mean.. I understand drug addicts.. for the most part.. I know the conniving ways.. the endless denials.. the wretched things you do.. and dont even give it a second thought cause you dont think its wretched...

What I don't get.. is these women with babies either in CPS (Child Protective Services) care.. under CPS investigation or have just gotten them back from CPS and they are in treatment (good place for them to be) and they do what..

THINK IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO GET SOME MD 20/20 AND SOME CRACK......And celebrate their Easter huddled in a tiny bathroom.. smokin and drinkin...

First off.. I am all for giving first, second and third chances.. I was on my second chance when I jumped my happy ass into rehab.. I knew it was either clean up or get locked up... but.. i was single.. and did what I did to me.. yes.. I know it hurt my family and all that.. but on the gut level.. I had no one depending on me for food, shelter and clothing.. thats what I mean by hurting just me...

These moms.. have these oforfukssake PRECIOUS little babies.. some were taken away at birth because they were dirty.. some just kept getting in trouble and CPS got involved.. but these babies.. everyone of them.. sweet, precious.. snaggletoothed lil toots... I just melt every time one smiles and looks at me.. yeah.. i know its probably gas.. but.. oh.. just to feel their lil fingers wrap around one of mine.. yeah.. I am a goner in .3 seconds flat...

To risk losing them again.. to risk the chance of having someone else raise the flesh of your flesh.. I really do not understand that.. I never had kids.. but I honestly think that I could not put their welfare below my drug of choice...

I think sometimes.. when an addict gets clean.. that life sometimes is too good.. there's no chaos.. and most addicts are chaos junkies... when there isnt enough.. we make some.. i know there are times even now.. when I do stupid shit and think.. Hmmm.. life gettin too good for you? Gotta mess something up?

So.. today was spent in treatment team meetings.. listening to she said.. she said.. and deciphering what is really going on.. Listening to one say.. MY ua will be clean.. swearing to it.. no WAY could it be dirty.. (I think).. yeah.. it was dirty.. But I just took one hit.. (No way)... the ones who got honest and said.. yeah.. i fucked up.. got to stay.. the one that went and got it.. and the other who lied about it.. they are gone.. one had her baby taken right then.. and the other.. we shall see in the morning when I have to call her P.O. and talk to him. Been trying to get her into another program that is longer.. hopefully that will work out.. if not.. It is the Union Gospel Mission.

These women have had tough lives.. they haven't had most of the things that most of us call necessities.. sometimes they didn't have food.. housing.. or just a safe place to sleep at night.. so.. can they really be blamed for not knowing how to provide that for their own children?

Have we as a country failed at keeping our children safe and cared for enough so that they know how to care for and keep safe their own children? Do we do enough to stop our children from having children? Do we do enough for US.. or are we too busy doing it for other countries?

Just a thought....